Nah, I’m only kidding. It’s almost impossible to look good in padded, spandex shorts–unless you are one of those ”less-than-3-percent-body-fat-getting-paid-to-ride-all-those-miles” athletes out there. Believe you me, if I was paid to bike, perhaps I would be able to model cycling gear. And, as much as I think I’m close to looking like the Assos™ model below, I’m further than looking that way in Pearl Izumis™ than circling the entire universe twenty times.
Seriously, how often do you see riders strutin’ their stuff in cycling gear when off the bike? Usually, there is a mad dash to the baggy pants or shorts once a ride is over with (there are exceptions, of course…Races, mostly). Really. I’m starting to think that I should start downhill biking. Those riders have it figured out:
(1) The knee pads, elbow pads….Heck, full body armour. I could have used that on my
fall fests mountain bike rides.
(2) Baggy baggy. No doubt, there are usually padded tighter garments underneath, but who knows? With the shorts, long jersey… you could be hiding all sorts of stuff under your clothes (not that I do that…But, if I were to, my wads of tissues and chap sticks wouldn’t be all over the place).
(3) You still get the thrill of riding, and keep all body parts nicely hidden and, well, hidden.
The thought of how I must look was brought to my attention the other morning at 0430 when I was caught on the torture device–sweating more than the average person, in those great pearl izumis and sports top. I’ve mentioned it before: no one under any circumstance is allowed to see me on the indoor trainer. My man included. But alas, he did not know me when I first started riding indoors, and although we’ve joked about how one day, I will have my own “workout space,” he has never actually seen me in the act. And, he didn’t get the memo of “let the house burn down before you dare see me,” as I nearly died of a heart attack that morning when he appeared at my side. The blaring “Energy 52′s Cafe Del Mar” from my iPod silenced everything around me out; yes, that is what I listen to; hence not hearing him approach.
“WHAT THE–GO! YOU CAN’T SEE ME!” I screeched, ripping out my ear phones.
“I’ve never actually seen you on the TD.”* My man even calls the trainer the “torture device” now. I told him once I would get him one for Christmas, so he can ride inside like all the cool kids when it is super cold out, but his mental images of me falling off and how “dangerous they are” has him swearing never to get on one.
“Well, that is for a reason. Go…Run…Or something.” Yes, I’m Miss Pleasant Personality when on the trainer, even to those I love, ignoring his attempts to save himself with his, “but you look great” comments. Now, the Fox Racing™ downhill long-sleeve jersey and shorts will be worn while on the trainer.
Despite my unflattering, fashion backwards cycling-running-scrubs- or, everything in my ownership, Tom Ford and Óscar de la Renta would hail my amazing fashion sense as of late. Yup, I actually bought a real person shirt, grown up jeans…AND boots. All you fashionistas out there better watch your backs cause this girl does in fact know a thing or two about how to ‘work-itttt’ in kick-butt high-heeled boots and skinny jeans.** So, I might still have issues actually walking in the boots (going down stairs is a real kicker), but I have them to drool over. Furthermore, the sneakers and new carbon cycling shoes I acquired the same time as my amazing shopping spree might just get more wear and tear than the boots…Pshh, minor details.
**Somehow, wearing tight jeans is okay compared to tight padded athletic leggings, especially in boots you can’t walk in.