It’s Because She’s Lazy (wink)

The last couple nights at work have been insane. In the three years working as a nurse, I have dealt with numerous horrible situations, seen things which non-medical staff are unable to even comprehend, and with what happened to me, even medical staff were alarmed. unfortunately, I will not get into too much detail because of HIPPA, and the fact in those three nights I saw the most horrific things I have ever seen in real life. Saturday morning after I gave the report to the charge nurse coming in, she asked me, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine….”

“Your tearing up, Moll, it’s not okay.”

“It wasn’t a good night….”

I went home, and in the car found myself weeping from the events at work, the insanity, how I had managed to keep calm in the midst of chaos is beyond me. I think the tears also came as a result of exhaustion, lack of sleep, and the fact that June has basically been a horrible month for me. With sickness, a DNF, a defective and now broken heart, I decided to restart my training and do Timberman in August. It will be tough, but I have a good base behind me. And, a friend joked around that I was too lazy to finish my last HIM, which, I know was a joke, because most of those I know think the amount of physical activity I do is nuts. But with everything which has happened, the comment made me even more determined to finish this triathlon….Ohh, btw, I took the comment seriously.

Yesterday, as a result of the comment, and the fact that there is nothing better to help heal a broken heart than by having an awesome ride, swim, and run, I brought my road bike to lake onteora and rode from the parking lot, then rode up meads road to the parking lot at Overlook mountain where I switched into my trail running shoes and ran up and then down towards Indian Head Mountain. It ended up being a 16mile trail run, one which I needed to digest everything which has happened to me this past month. But in retrospect my legs were not prepared for it.

I have not been on a trail run for months, and miss it so much (kind of hard to do trail running in the dark).

After maybe 5 or 7  miles I came across this area where there were just slabs or slates of rock. It was right near the mountains edge and I never even knew it existed on my other runs along the road to Indian Head Mountain.

Closer to the edge, there were chairs made out of slate and stone that overlooked the hudson valley, and from there I could see how far I had run from the fire tower at the top of the fire tower.

wow, so far away from the fire tower on overlook!

The views closer to the edge, despite being somewhat hazy, were pretty awesome.

looking out over the hudson valley

After finishing the run, and seriously dehydrated, I stopped at Bread Alone to fill up my camelback and water bottle and continue my ride back to the lake. ¬†Once I was at the lake, I was hot and drench in sweat, and exhausted. But the water was calm and cool, and I went for a 45 min swim in the late which was incredibly peaceful. I love lake Onteora! The water was cool, and still, and it was only me in the lake swimming. For the first time I felt internal peace, which I haven’t felt for a long time.

So, to those who even joke around about this girl being lazy, beware, I might take it seriously.

Below is the bike route I did

Lake Onteora to Overlook to Glasco Turnpike and back down to lake onteora

Mmmmm olives. Salty,juicy, yumm

On my way back I stopped at Adam’s Fairacre Farms for food, because I had nothing to eat before I started the ride and run and was 1) so thirsty from dehydration and 2) starving. And, I managed to eat three containers of olives (mmmmm they tasted a-m-a-z-i-n-g), although now the thought of eating any more olives makes me feel nauseous….

And now I leave you with a song that was stuck in my head on my run.

Fear

I am all packed (well mostly), the rooms in the hotel are booked, I have my registration and ID–the big day is drawing closer and closer. Am I excited? No. I’m terrified and scared.

According to (and taken from) Dictionary.Com, there are numerous definitions of fear:

Fear:
1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil,pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feelingor condition of being afraid.
2.a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: anabnormal fear of heights.
3.concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone’s safety.
I think I fit into the first definition of fear concerning Mooseman. Fear, that I cannot do it, anxiety because I’m still sick and feel horrible and have missed some training sessions. Most of all, I am fearful of not being able to finish this race. And, I know it doesn’t matter to anyone else but me. I actually found myself breaking down infront of someone– the tears of intense anxiety over my health and the race and fear of not finishing just poured down my cheeks. 70.3 miles. That’s no sprint distance triathlon. That’s not the duathlons I’ve done, where there is a total of 4 miles of running, and 14-18 miles of biking. This is much more. Much more.
The anxiety is so strong, couple with being sick, has left me with no appetite whatsoever, but for the first time my stomach settled when one of my biggest supporters came over and we made pesto pasta and watched 127 hrs. Finally, I was able to consume the pesto pasta. And throughout the movie I was able to contain all the feelings of doubt I have towards doing this, and keep the tears at bay (well, he may not know this, but there were a few of Molly’s tears on his shirt–and they were from the movie. Thats a lie, the few tears that were shed were from the movie and my anxiety).
But, I’ve found, you need to keep it one day at a time. One step. With the swim. First stroke, then again, then again. Then get on your bike like I’ve done in the past and pedal, one rotation, two rotations, and keep moving. With the 13.1miles comes around, just like above, move one foot infront of the other. If I have to walk, I’ll walk. I’ve done all of those, simply not together.
Yes, I’ve competed three marathons with no training whatsoever, and my first two duathlons were done at last minutes notice. Then again, that’s different.
This post may not make too much sense; a zillion things are going through my head at the moment. I think it comes down to how you feel mentally. Physically, I am drained. From work and a broken heart (my heart decides to go haywire on me which isn’t really helping my trying to stay calm and cardiology appointment will be a priority after the race), I am stressed to the max. And this is my vacation–putting myself through even more pain and torture. I definitely need a real vacation this summer, with no races. No stress. A relaxing, doing nothing type of vacation.
I keep needing to remind myself, this is fun. FUN. For enjoyment purposes. Yet, 70.3 miles right now feels the furthest thing from fun I’ve ever felt. (Not to mention, I’m having major grammar issues).
I never listen to Eminem, but the lyrics are actually pretty motivating.
OH and a side note: I found my flip flops the next day at the lake! Humanity can still be trusted! It was the wind that stole them!

When was the last crazy post written?

February 2020
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