Since the blistery cold weather has returned to us (or atleast is knocking on our door), my poor circulation has deemed it nearly impossible to ride outside anymore. Hence, the trainer is once again getting some love and attention.
I’m not sure about you, but I dread the trainer. I have written numerous posts about hating it. Yes, when I first bought mine years ago working nights, I was stoked to have it so I could ride at night in the dark. Now, though, I drag my feet walking upstairs to where I have my trainer parked. I know trainer sessions are an integral part of training for a triathlon, and I just have to buck up and do trainer workouts as planned. I’m simply not happy about them. I am not saying that they are easy workouts; I’m pretty sure I sweat more than an overweight man in a sauna when I am riding; and my heart rate is able to skyrocket in minutes. But, the simple fact I am riding so hard and so far and getting no where drives me nuts (like running on the dreadmill).
When I was finishing up my trainer workout the other day I came up with the emotional stages one might go through while on the trainer…And I have pictures that go along with the stages. (What else do you do when you are bored out of your mind than take incredibly awkward selfies of yourself looking horribly sweaty and disgusting?) Note: I am not one of those people who find it necessary to be caked in makeup whilst exercising. Infact, I am not one to feel it necessary to brush her hair before it, either.
Stage 1: The Warm Up
At this point, you have just started, warming up your legs, becoming adjusted to the bike
“I’m just flipping through the songs on my iPod. Only 55 minutes to go”
Stage 2: Boredom
At this stage, you start looking at your surroundings, wishing you were somewhere else. Envy of people doing any activity other than riding on a trainer starts erupting.
“Hmm, I wonder what is happening outside. Look at the snow; I could be skiing right now.”
Stage 3: The Pain
Whether it the big chainring on an incline or “speed ups,” you feel the pain in your legs, grit your teeth, and pedal pedal pedal.
“Oh man oh man my legs my legs. THEYYYY BURRRRNNNNNN OMGGGGGGGG.”
Stage 4: Your Second Wind
Between sets, your heart rate comes down a bit, and the burning legs ceases.
“Grrrr.F-ck the burn, I’ve got this. This is EASY! Eye of the tiger, baby, eye of the tiger. BRING IT!”
Stage 5: Depression and sadness
With more sets, and increasing leg burn, you become depressed and sad, questioning life and why you have to be on this stupid machine.
“I never did anything to deserve this. All I want to do is be outside.”
Stage 6: Mental breakdown
At this point, the workout is almost done. Your legs feel like they are no longer a part of your body. You feel like giving up all together. Flashes of your life start flooding your brain. Your eyes well with tears from the pain.
“Why me, God, why meeeee?”
Stage 7: The Finish
You’ve finished the cool-down; you have completed the workout. Life feels like it is full of rainbows and sunshine. Relief, happiness, and joy fill your body. It.Is.Done.
“Pshh, that was easy.”
Happy Trainer-Riding!
Ending notes:
Yes, I realized that my earphones were all knotted up, but you can’t untangle headphones while in pain. I feel like Roseanne Roseannadanna pointing out that “little bead of sweat on her nose” when flipping through the photos.
A Rendezvous with Sneakers 