C’est la Vie, C’est la Chance, C’est L’amour

A couple years ago I took a chance.

On a guy.

Who knew two years later we’d be in love?

To the best, most patient, loving, funny, and strongest man I know.

xoxox

M

P.S. You already know I’m a dork when it comes to music ūüôā

From fall ramblings

From fall ramblings

To pumpkin patch photo shoots

To pumpkin patch photo shoots

To christmas bloopers

To christmas bloopers

And spring skillz clinics

From spring skillz clinics

To your addiction to bicycles

To your addiction to bicycles

You put up with my failed attempts at selfies

You put up with my failed attempts at selfies with uncooperative cats

Never trusting my navigation skills, when I know I right

And never trust my navigation skills, when I know I right

...Okay sometimes I am wrong

Okay, sometimes I am wrong and get us lost…

Je t’aime.

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To the One I Love

Dearest X,

As the blogging world knows you as “X” or “K” or “The Man,” to me, you will, and always will be, mine.

I know that life has brought its challenges, to both with you and me.¬†And I apologize for those long awkward silences in cars whilst you would drive when I ¬†would attempt to keep the tears¬†streaming from behind my glasses¬†a secret from¬†you, in fear that you would judge me….Or judge my ability to be that strong independent girl who always kept it together. And this kind of scares me, because it has never happened before.For the 26 years I have never had to hide myself from another being– lest alone, an amazing one at that.

 

For years I have spent protecting myself from love–from the possibility of a man loving me. Furthermore ¬†after different times of heatbreak…ones which I feel happened right after the other, I gave up on the possibility of love.

But you, Kevin, are different from all those other men who’ve caused me heartbreak and anguish.

Kevin,¬†(and yes I am referring to you by your real name…let the blogging world know), I love you.

This past year as we’ve grown to know each other as people, I grew to know a man who is honest, sincere, accepting, and loving. It doesn’t matter whether or not I still cannot ride over certain obstacles—you merely stop and tell me it is okay if I cannot ride over–that it is difficult–that one day I will to make it …

We’ve shared numerous bike rides of different kinds, experimented with new dishes, gone cross country skiing, fished in the back yard pond, taken a couple road trips, gone for evening walks after dinner, or simply gone for walks, picking out the houses in a different life we would want. We swam at Lake Onteora for the first time together with high hopes the rope swing would be there, only to find it was no longer there.

I apologize for those nights after work, or me working 12+ hours away, not coming home to meals specially prepared by you, because you already  knew I would be an emotional rollercoaster by the time i got home.

You kill or trap spiders on my walls for me, listen to me rant, and never complain. You tell me, whether or not my day at work was shitty– that I am still an amazing nurse….If one batch of cookies comes out bad, I always have another time to make them,

And despite the person inside me who wants to be perfect at anything I do, I do know that it takes time to navigate the perfect line on a bunch of crooked rocks in order to ” flow over them whenever I ¬†ease,” while on a mountain bike, and a long life ahead of me to do athletic events that I want.

You know me better than anyone–you know exactly what I am thinking, and are definitely the voice of reason between us, i.e. when I was sick from Lyme you told me not to do a race I ¬†really wanted to do, knowing that if I did attempt it, I would not get the result I wanted, leaving me with a heavy heart….Which is exactly what would have happened.

One day, I promise, I will be able to ride over those ridges with ease; without you having to wait for me.  I will finish the line; I will finish my baked good or what have you. I will finish it, with a smile on my face, and you to thanks.

 

And, the thing is, whether you gave me a hug or made dinner for me–the moment you held me in your arms I knew I was safe and loved, and everything would be okay.And after one full year…

Kevin, I love you.

Pure and simple. You are the man who has saved me from my fears, taught me to face my fears and have ¬†loved me unconditionally. And for that, I love you, X, “the Man,” or for the first time ever spoken, Kevin.My best friend,and teacher.

Love, Me

 

 

Give Thanks

I cannot believe it is already Thanksgiving. Soon, it will be Christmas, and then, a whole New Year.

This post is not about biking, running, nursing, or swimming, although those activities may peak through.

It’s about thanksgiving, and being thankful.

This past year, or most of ’09 and ’10, were a couple of the most grueling years of my life–both physically and emotionally. It seemed as if one thing after another happened; feelings of being overwhelmed and as if I was never getting “a break.” I constantly found myself thinking, “Okay, God, give it to me, I can take it. What’s one more thing added to my plate going to do?” I felt like I was going to crack at any moment.

But I’ve learned over the years, without struggles, without pain, without tears– you cannot grow as an individual. If you make no mistakes, there’s no room for improvement. Making no wrong turns gives you no elbow room for right turns.

And, for that, I’m thankful. (In the midst of it, maybe I wasn’t.) I’m a stronger person now than I was a year ago.

I’m thankful I was able to spend my grandmother’s last days by her side, even if at the time I was jobless and physically worn down, unable to finish a 30minute jog without feeling out of breath.

I’m thankful for the job I have now–my wonderful coworkers–who have turned into friends and teachers.

I’m thankful for my family here, and overseas. I don’t know what I would have done without their unfailing love, guidance, and wisdom. Phone calls at 0200, teary eyed over life. Hour long talks over tea in the kitchen on 51 S. Chestnut Street in New Paltz. I’m thankful for being given the opportunity to spend more time with a cousin I never really knew growing up, who now has become the brother I never had.

My family is far from being a perfect family, but I know they’ll always be there.

I’m thankful for my wonderful friends who I’ve met along my journey–their advice on issues that only friends can give, their spare moments to listen to me ramble on about nothing. I’m thankful for ¬†Thea’s birthday dinner, flowers from friends. I’m thankful for five hour long hikes, and friends not having either allergic reactions to or dying from the energybar I’m giving them for their hypoglycemic attacks. I’m thankful for all hikes, runs, rides, nights out.

I’m thankful that my friends can come to me for anything, at any time, and know I’m there for them, willing to listen and help as much as I can.

I’m thankful for my health. That I can breathe in the sweet, crisp autumn air, hear the leaves rustling in the wind, smell wood burning from fireplaces, feel the jagged edges of rocks when climbing. I’m thankful that I have the ability to run ¬†and ride again, and now swim.

And I’m thankful for the little things:

  • the guys at the shop who fixed my tire and spent time teaching me how to use clip in pedals
  • my crazy cat who picks fights with her reflection in the window
  • State Troopers and friendly Dutchess County Sheriffs who are there to help when bad things go awry on rides
  • an elderly man who helped me find my car in the dark, packed, Walmart parking lot (yes, I once lost my car)
  • a friend, willing to help put up lights around my house.

This holiday today isn’t just about the turkey and trimmings, like Christmas is not simply about the gifts. ¬†It’s about being thankful for what you have in your life, ¬†and where you are right now. ¬†It’s about family, friends. It’s about how far you’ve come, and how much there is in store for you in the future.

What are you thankful for this season?

I hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving!

When was the last crazy post written?

March 2019
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