It is perfect timing that I Race Like a Girl’s April Challenge has to do with self reflection and self confidence. In fact, I’ve written about it a couple times in the past as well.
I struggle a lot with self confidence and always have. I’m sure it stems from self esteem issues I’ve had since I was little. It’s simple, really, I just do not trust myself. Recently I’ve been struggling with mountain biking and going over obstacles I could do in the past. I never did them confidently, but I could *do* them. As of late, fear and anxiety has somehow taken over and my “head” got in the way of my biking ability, and for the life of me, I just could not go over these tricky sections. In fact, I’ve found myself beginning to have anxiety before even getting to the forest to mountain bike those sections.
I’ve always struggled with self doubt and confidence issues- I figured it was just a part of who I am. From academics, and doubting my ability to do well, whether or not I am a good wife, or in races where I have the tendency to compare myself to the other racers. I’ve never fully been confident in the person that I am. When reflecting on races, a common pre-race thought I tend to have is the following: “There is just no way I can do well against these women; they all look so fit and have fast wheels and expensive bikes. ”
After a sh-tty mountain bike ride on Sunday, I went back to Ferncliff today and rode better than I ever have (until I had a nasty crash that is).
People mention it all the time— sports are just as mental as they are physical. And trying to re-define the ways you view yourself takes awhile. Self doubt is a hard one to change, especially after years of feeling it. I could just give up on the hard stuff in the forests, just like I could have given up during those races against those “hardcore” athletes. But while I struggle with self confidence issues, I also have a relentless desire to succeed and overcome challenges, which is probably one of the reasons why I’m still around today. I choose not to give up. If I don’t do something successfully in life, I go back another day and try it again, until I’m able to do it.
I know “my head” will continue to get in my way, and I accept it. But with each small success, my self doubt is slowly chipped away and I see a glimmer of self confidence underneath. And as for those other races I seem to always find myself comparing myself to? I’ve found oftentimes I’m just as good as them, even with my not-as-expensive bike and wheels.
In terms of self confidence, I’ve realized no one can change the way you view yourself except for you.
Are you going to let your “head” keep getting in the way of your success?
A Rendezvous with Sneakers 
Apr 19, 2019 @ 18:17:32
So good to see you posting again. Are you in grad school for nursing? Another question- is your dog named Maisie for Maisie Dobbs (the series by Jacqueline Winspear)? Don’t doubt yourself. You are a wonderful person with a lot to offer. This is Dianne from Bene and Kingston Hospital. You probably don’t remember me, b ut I am so glad to see that you are doing well
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